Where did the time go?

Holy crap I can't believe my last post was in 2009. I swear time flies faster and faster as I get older.

During that time my family and I have been on holiday a few times, ON AEROPLANES and not freaking out too much, like I would have before.

My doctor said if I'm happy on the meds there is no reason why I cannot stay on them indefinitely. I know some people frown upon this, but my quality of life has been so much better. I now feel like I now have the moods of a healthy minded person, meaning, I still have ups and downs, but nothing I can't handle now.

I've even combatted my phobia of the gym and go every day now, feeling really fit, but grrr, I'm heavier than ever now - I've gone up to a size 14! Maybe that is the only downside of these drugs :(

Well, if that is all I have to worry about, then it's not such a bad thing. I feel healthy!

If anyone actually reads this blog and is suffering the same or a similar thing, you can get through it, and don't be afraid of taking medication for it if you need to. If it improves your quality of life it is a good thing, and not something to be afraid of.

When I think back on how I was, I wish I had considered the feelings of my family more, but it's a hugely selfish illness and when you are in the throes of it, you can only think about yourself.

When you have moments of feeling ok, please show your family you love and appreciate them, it makes all the difference to them, they cannot understand what you are going through if they have never suffered it, so it is a very difficult time for them too.

xx

Quickie

O Hai! Another quicko update.

All is going pretty good, Christmas and New Year were fun and very busy, lots of family and friends visiting, lots of partying, alcohol and food intake. I was kind of glad when it was all over though.

I've put back on all the fecking weight I lost (which is the only good thing about the anxiety disorder). I've never been overweight but I am now back to a size 12 and I WANNA BE A 10!!! I'm 5ft 8 so I don't want to be any thinner than that, is that too much to ask???? Oh well, I suppose a 12 is my natural size and I should be fine with that - but I seriously need to tone up.

I've still got a bit of a phobia of the gym though as that is where my panic attacks first started to flare up, I think I'm worried it may trigger them again :/




I'm still on the fluoxetine but forgetting to take them somedays, so maybe I should gradually come off them now. Still pondering on that one.

Oh and I've got a Plurk account now (one of those mini blogger thingies, like Twitter). So I update that a few times a day with my random goings on, bowel movements and suchlike...

I'll add it at the side of this blog if anyone is remotely interested.



Hope anyone who reads this is doing well :)

I'm alliiiiiiiive

Well hullo thurr.

I had a great summer and I'm feeling so much better. I have been pretty busy and I haven't really looked too much at anything which reminds me of how I felt a few months ago, (which is why I haven't been on this blog), I guess I was a bit worried it would trigger a relapse.

My girls are back to school now and John is working from home on a contract project (don't ask me what he is doing 'cos I haven't a clue). It's been great having him around though, I thought he would get on my nerves after a while but it's reminded me what great company he is and how much fun we have together...and no we aren't romping in the bed all day (much to his disappointment) :D It's just nice to spend time together with no demanding children around, and we appreciate them so much more when they come home from school as well.

So all is good in the hood (so they say in the hood, not that I live in the hood).

I'm still on the Prozac and I feel great, I actually enjoy doing things now. I didn't realise how low I was before but now in hindsight I know I was, for a long time...even before the anxiety kicked in again, I got no pleasure out of anything - I felt very flat and bored with life but I was trying not to think about it.

I'm not sure what the future holds with regards to these tablets, I would happily stay on them for ever but I guess that they would lose effectiveness after a while, so I suppose I will probably do what I did last time and come off then after about 6-8 mths. Will see how things go.

I will pop on here from time to time for a rant and an update. I hope you are all well reading this.

Big virtual hugs to you all
Love Jo

Nearly holiday time...woooh!

OK, so tomorrow is holiday day, and guess what? I am actually looking forward to it now.

I'm so glad we aren't flying anywhere after hearing about the flight to Australia which had a hole ripped out of it mid air. That is what my nightmares are made of, I could just imagine sitting in that plane feeling paralysed with terror. I'm so glad that everyone lived to tell the tale.

We are all off to the Lake District, J's parents rent a cottage there every year and invite all the family over, so we have J's 3 sisters and their families all in one space...yes, that means fireworks! As much as I love J's mum she is the most unrelaxing, fussy person ever and she seems to really provoke an irritation in her offspring (and me). They all start bickering and there is often serious tension. Luckily we are not staying in the same place, so me, J and the kids can escape when it all gets too much....thank the Lordy.

The following week we are renting a cottage in Suffolk with my parents, my Aunt and Unc and some of their kids, my brother and his girlfriend. Now this will be fun, we all have a complete riot when we are together.

I am so glad I am feelng better. I would not have been able to do this a couple of weeks ago. I know I will have anxious moments, but I have to realise that that's all they are and they will pass.

I think we are taking the laptop, so I may pop on for a bit of blogging from time to time, (spill my heart out here if I need to). I'll try to take lots of nice pics if I can work out how to use the bloody camera.

Byee for now x

Beaches and parks

It's been a glorious couple of days here, over 27 deg..that's scorchio for Scotland!!!

I've been so busy, out and about a lot with friends. Yesterday afternoon we all headed to the park with our children, I snuck off and went to the docs for my follow-up check.

Last time saw I the Dr (around 2 mths ago), I had become hugely agoraphobic and was just about having a nervous breakdown - what a difference in me now. `The Dr thinks I should have counselling again but I don't see the point, I had CBT last time I went through this, and yes it was helpful, but I know how it works now and I think it's basic common sense.

I could not have put it into practice when I was in the throes of my panic disorder, but now the meds have lifted me out of the dark place I can use the skills (and I am using them). I really don't feel I need any other counselling as my problem is just part of my personality, it's nothing to do with my childhood or anything terrible happening to me, I know how to sort my thought processes out, I just had to be in the right frame of mind to do it (does that make sense?)

The shingles did not make an appearance thankfully, but I got the antiviral's just in case it decides to try to rear it's blistery ugly head again.

Today we went to the beach with friends. It was absolutely baking here in the city centre where we live, but jeeez, it was windy and freezing at the beach. We found a sheltered spot in the dunes and had a really great day. I'm feeling a little sun damaged but I've been out and not even a tinge of anx today...YAY!!!

Beautiful Day & Shingles

The weather turned out glorious here in my little corner of Scotland, so I arranged to meet my friend "Enthusiastic Mum (EM)" at the park. Now, 1 week ago I would not have even entertained the thought of doing this, so this is a BIG step.

I drove to the park and we actually arrived before EM, that's unusual for me, I'm aways late! There was another person I knew at the park so we chatted for a bit, I had no major pangs of anx. Then EM arrived with her 2 girls and we had such a lovely chat sitting in the warm sun while our girls played together.

I only felt mildly anxious when I became aware of my arm pains, let me tell you about them...

I have recurring bouts of shingles on the palm of my right hand, it only happens once every few years and the episodes are becoming less and less.

One of the early signs I am about to have an attack is arm pains and highly sensitive skin on my inner wrist. When I get an attack of this, it's not just the blisters that are the issue (they are really horrible and painful), but also it usually poisons my lymphatic system and I can see the red lines of the poison track up my arm, my whole arm becomes painful to move and the lymph nodes in my underarm swell, then I have to go on high dose antibiotics. It makes me feel really poorly.

So of course, I am now anxious about this, we are due to go on holiday on Saturday, I really do not want to feel ill. I tried to phone the docs today but I couldn't get an appointment so I'll have to ring tomorrow to see if one becomes available.

The problem is I have to take the anti-viral meds as soon as I feel the tingle to minimise the attack, but I couldn't do that so now I'm worried I will have a bad one.

Sometimes I do get the pre-symptoms and nothing happens, so fingers crossed nothing will come of this.

Interestingly, I checked on the web to see if I can take Acyclovir and Fluoxetine together (I can) and found an article that Fluoxetine has been linked with reactivating the herpes (shingles) virus. Bugger!!

Owwww!

Another moany morning post from me. Lack of sleep Ahoy!

I woke at about 3am and my jaw had locked out of place, have you ever had this? It's HORRIBLE! Honestly, it was truly stuck, after a minute of panic I managed to relax it and get it back into place again, but it took me ages to get back to sleep and now my jaw really hurts.

On a good note, it's brightened up outside at last, it seemed like Winter was coming over the past couple of days, and, *drum roll*....I've lost 11lbs!!!! This is a good side effect of the fluoxetine.

I was never overweight, but I had a bit of a muffin top and tummy and this has now disappeared..YAY!

Last time I was on this medication I lost too much weight and it made me look unhealthy, so I'm hoping that the weight loss will stop here, I just want to stay as I am now.

Did you know that the fluoxetine is an ingredient in a Brazillian slimming pill?