Well hullo thurr.
I had a great summer and I'm feeling so much better. I have been pretty busy and I haven't really looked too much at anything which reminds me of how I felt a few months ago, (which is why I haven't been on this blog), I guess I was a bit worried it would trigger a relapse.
My girls are back to school now and John is working from home on a contract project (don't ask me what he is doing 'cos I haven't a clue). It's been great having him around though, I thought he would get on my nerves after a while but it's reminded me what great company he is and how much fun we have together...and no we aren't romping in the bed all day (much to his disappointment) :D It's just nice to spend time together with no demanding children around, and we appreciate them so much more when they come home from school as well.
So all is good in the hood (so they say in the hood, not that I live in the hood).
I'm still on the Prozac and I feel great, I actually enjoy doing things now. I didn't realise how low I was before but now in hindsight I know I was, for a long time...even before the anxiety kicked in again, I got no pleasure out of anything - I felt very flat and bored with life but I was trying not to think about it.
I'm not sure what the future holds with regards to these tablets, I would happily stay on them for ever but I guess that they would lose effectiveness after a while, so I suppose I will probably do what I did last time and come off then after about 6-8 mths. Will see how things go.
I will pop on here from time to time for a rant and an update. I hope you are all well reading this.
Big virtual hugs to you all
Love Jo
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Friday, 25 July 2008
Nearly holiday time...woooh!
OK, so tomorrow is holiday day, and guess what? I am actually looking forward to it now.
I'm so glad we aren't flying anywhere after hearing about the flight to Australia which had a hole ripped out of it mid air. That is what my nightmares are made of, I could just imagine sitting in that plane feeling paralysed with terror. I'm so glad that everyone lived to tell the tale.
We are all off to the Lake District, J's parents rent a cottage there every year and invite all the family over, so we have J's 3 sisters and their families all in one space...yes, that means fireworks! As much as I love J's mum she is the most unrelaxing, fussy person ever and she seems to really provoke an irritation in her offspring (and me). They all start bickering and there is often serious tension. Luckily we are not staying in the same place, so me, J and the kids can escape when it all gets too much....thank the Lordy.
The following week we are renting a cottage in Suffolk with my parents, my Aunt and Unc and some of their kids, my brother and his girlfriend. Now this will be fun, we all have a complete riot when we are together.
I am so glad I am feelng better. I would not have been able to do this a couple of weeks ago. I know I will have anxious moments, but I have to realise that that's all they are and they will pass.
I think we are taking the laptop, so I may pop on for a bit of blogging from time to time, (spill my heart out here if I need to). I'll try to take lots of nice pics if I can work out how to use the bloody camera.
Byee for now x
I'm so glad we aren't flying anywhere after hearing about the flight to Australia which had a hole ripped out of it mid air. That is what my nightmares are made of, I could just imagine sitting in that plane feeling paralysed with terror. I'm so glad that everyone lived to tell the tale.
We are all off to the Lake District, J's parents rent a cottage there every year and invite all the family over, so we have J's 3 sisters and their families all in one space...yes, that means fireworks! As much as I love J's mum she is the most unrelaxing, fussy person ever and she seems to really provoke an irritation in her offspring (and me). They all start bickering and there is often serious tension. Luckily we are not staying in the same place, so me, J and the kids can escape when it all gets too much....thank the Lordy.
The following week we are renting a cottage in Suffolk with my parents, my Aunt and Unc and some of their kids, my brother and his girlfriend. Now this will be fun, we all have a complete riot when we are together.
I am so glad I am feelng better. I would not have been able to do this a couple of weeks ago. I know I will have anxious moments, but I have to realise that that's all they are and they will pass.
I think we are taking the laptop, so I may pop on for a bit of blogging from time to time, (spill my heart out here if I need to). I'll try to take lots of nice pics if I can work out how to use the bloody camera.
Byee for now x
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Beaches and parks
It's been a glorious couple of days here, over 27 deg..that's scorchio for Scotland!!!
I've been so busy, out and about a lot with friends. Yesterday afternoon we all headed to the park with our children, I snuck off and went to the docs for my follow-up check.
Last time saw I the Dr (around 2 mths ago), I had become hugely agoraphobic and was just about having a nervous breakdown - what a difference in me now. `The Dr thinks I should have counselling again but I don't see the point, I had CBT last time I went through this, and yes it was helpful, but I know how it works now and I think it's basic common sense.
I could not have put it into practice when I was in the throes of my panic disorder, but now the meds have lifted me out of the dark place I can use the skills (and I am using them). I really don't feel I need any other counselling as my problem is just part of my personality, it's nothing to do with my childhood or anything terrible happening to me, I know how to sort my thought processes out, I just had to be in the right frame of mind to do it (does that make sense?)
The shingles did not make an appearance thankfully, but I got the antiviral's just in case it decides to try to rear it's blistery ugly head again.
Today we went to the beach with friends. It was absolutely baking here in the city centre where we live, but jeeez, it was windy and freezing at the beach. We found a sheltered spot in the dunes and had a really great day. I'm feeling a little sun damaged but I've been out and not even a tinge of anx today...YAY!!!
I've been so busy, out and about a lot with friends. Yesterday afternoon we all headed to the park with our children, I snuck off and went to the docs for my follow-up check.
Last time saw I the Dr (around 2 mths ago), I had become hugely agoraphobic and was just about having a nervous breakdown - what a difference in me now. `The Dr thinks I should have counselling again but I don't see the point, I had CBT last time I went through this, and yes it was helpful, but I know how it works now and I think it's basic common sense.
I could not have put it into practice when I was in the throes of my panic disorder, but now the meds have lifted me out of the dark place I can use the skills (and I am using them). I really don't feel I need any other counselling as my problem is just part of my personality, it's nothing to do with my childhood or anything terrible happening to me, I know how to sort my thought processes out, I just had to be in the right frame of mind to do it (does that make sense?)
The shingles did not make an appearance thankfully, but I got the antiviral's just in case it decides to try to rear it's blistery ugly head again.
Today we went to the beach with friends. It was absolutely baking here in the city centre where we live, but jeeez, it was windy and freezing at the beach. We found a sheltered spot in the dunes and had a really great day. I'm feeling a little sun damaged but I've been out and not even a tinge of anx today...YAY!!!
Monday, 21 July 2008
Beautiful Day & Shingles
The weather turned out glorious here in my little corner of Scotland, so I arranged to meet my friend "Enthusiastic Mum (EM)" at the park. Now, 1 week ago I would not have even entertained the thought of doing this, so this is a BIG step.
I drove to the park and we actually arrived before EM, that's unusual for me, I'm aways late! There was another person I knew at the park so we chatted for a bit, I had no major pangs of anx. Then EM arrived with her 2 girls and we had such a lovely chat sitting in the warm sun while our girls played together.
I only felt mildly anxious when I became aware of my arm pains, let me tell you about them...
I have recurring bouts of shingles on the palm of my right hand, it only happens once every few years and the episodes are becoming less and less.
One of the early signs I am about to have an attack is arm pains and highly sensitive skin on my inner wrist. When I get an attack of this, it's not just the blisters that are the issue (they are really horrible and painful), but also it usually poisons my lymphatic system and I can see the red lines of the poison track up my arm, my whole arm becomes painful to move and the lymph nodes in my underarm swell, then I have to go on high dose antibiotics. It makes me feel really poorly.
So of course, I am now anxious about this, we are due to go on holiday on Saturday, I really do not want to feel ill. I tried to phone the docs today but I couldn't get an appointment so I'll have to ring tomorrow to see if one becomes available.
The problem is I have to take the anti-viral meds as soon as I feel the tingle to minimise the attack, but I couldn't do that so now I'm worried I will have a bad one.
Sometimes I do get the pre-symptoms and nothing happens, so fingers crossed nothing will come of this.
Interestingly, I checked on the web to see if I can take Acyclovir and Fluoxetine together (I can) and found an article that Fluoxetine has been linked with reactivating the herpes (shingles) virus. Bugger!!
I drove to the park and we actually arrived before EM, that's unusual for me, I'm aways late! There was another person I knew at the park so we chatted for a bit, I had no major pangs of anx. Then EM arrived with her 2 girls and we had such a lovely chat sitting in the warm sun while our girls played together.
I only felt mildly anxious when I became aware of my arm pains, let me tell you about them...
I have recurring bouts of shingles on the palm of my right hand, it only happens once every few years and the episodes are becoming less and less.
One of the early signs I am about to have an attack is arm pains and highly sensitive skin on my inner wrist. When I get an attack of this, it's not just the blisters that are the issue (they are really horrible and painful), but also it usually poisons my lymphatic system and I can see the red lines of the poison track up my arm, my whole arm becomes painful to move and the lymph nodes in my underarm swell, then I have to go on high dose antibiotics. It makes me feel really poorly.
So of course, I am now anxious about this, we are due to go on holiday on Saturday, I really do not want to feel ill. I tried to phone the docs today but I couldn't get an appointment so I'll have to ring tomorrow to see if one becomes available.
The problem is I have to take the anti-viral meds as soon as I feel the tingle to minimise the attack, but I couldn't do that so now I'm worried I will have a bad one.
Sometimes I do get the pre-symptoms and nothing happens, so fingers crossed nothing will come of this.
Interestingly, I checked on the web to see if I can take Acyclovir and Fluoxetine together (I can) and found an article that Fluoxetine has been linked with reactivating the herpes (shingles) virus. Bugger!!
Owwww!
Another moany morning post from me. Lack of sleep Ahoy!
I woke at about 3am and my jaw had locked out of place, have you ever had this? It's HORRIBLE! Honestly, it was truly stuck, after a minute of panic I managed to relax it and get it back into place again, but it took me ages to get back to sleep and now my jaw really hurts.
On a good note, it's brightened up outside at last, it seemed like Winter was coming over the past couple of days, and, *drum roll*....I've lost 11lbs!!!! This is a good side effect of the fluoxetine.
I was never overweight, but I had a bit of a muffin top and tummy and this has now disappeared..YAY!
Last time I was on this medication I lost too much weight and it made me look unhealthy, so I'm hoping that the weight loss will stop here, I just want to stay as I am now.
Did you know that the fluoxetine is an ingredient in a Brazillian slimming pill?
I woke at about 3am and my jaw had locked out of place, have you ever had this? It's HORRIBLE! Honestly, it was truly stuck, after a minute of panic I managed to relax it and get it back into place again, but it took me ages to get back to sleep and now my jaw really hurts.
On a good note, it's brightened up outside at last, it seemed like Winter was coming over the past couple of days, and, *drum roll*....I've lost 11lbs!!!! This is a good side effect of the fluoxetine.
I was never overweight, but I had a bit of a muffin top and tummy and this has now disappeared..YAY!
Last time I was on this medication I lost too much weight and it made me look unhealthy, so I'm hoping that the weight loss will stop here, I just want to stay as I am now.
Did you know that the fluoxetine is an ingredient in a Brazillian slimming pill?
Sunday, 20 July 2008
I LIKE Afternoons and Evenings
S0 now it's after 3pm. Just as I thought I rallied around at about 12pm after a shower and hairwash. The girls and I baked Banana Bread, our first attempt and it rocked. YUM! Actually I feel a bit sick now 'cos that's all I've eaten all afternoon.
We decided we should have a beauty afternoon, so the girls painted my toenails and I did their's. Then Josie asked me to cut her hair into a bob, (I am no hairdresser btw), after I bathed them I got the scissors out and set to work, Josie's hair was down to the middle of her back and she wanted it chin length...gulp!
So I chopped away and actually I did not a bad job, she was delighted. While I was in the mood I hacked the straggly ends off Cass's hair as well - she looks supercute now too!
Now I just need to get mine done, it's way too long and out of control. S'pose I'll have to go the the hairdresser though *tuts*
We decided we should have a beauty afternoon, so the girls painted my toenails and I did their's. Then Josie asked me to cut her hair into a bob, (I am no hairdresser btw), after I bathed them I got the scissors out and set to work, Josie's hair was down to the middle of her back and she wanted it chin length...gulp!
So I chopped away and actually I did not a bad job, she was delighted. While I was in the mood I hacked the straggly ends off Cass's hair as well - she looks supercute now too!
Now I just need to get mine done, it's way too long and out of control. S'pose I'll have to go the the hairdresser though *tuts*
I HATE Mornings!!
Week 3 on fluoxetine
I've never been a morning person. Ideally I would get up around 10am (given the chance, unfortunately with kids - that's not possible). Since I've been suffering this latest episode of anxiety I have been AWFUL in the mornings, I've been waking quite early - about 7ish, but then I lie in bed feeling anxious and jittery - fast heartbeat, butterflies in tummy, all of that.
As usual, this morning our 5 yr old, Cass, woke in our bed...she is the most unrelaxing child in the morning. She kicks me in the tummy when I have a full bladder and will be really annoying until one of us gets up and takes her downstairs.
J left at 8am (he's such an annoying morning person) to do his motorbike training, so after putting the kids tv on in our bed and hoping she would lie quietly next to me, it was not to be so I gave in and got up with her.
After I made the girls breakfast and put on their favie tv programmes, I creep back up to my bed, really I know I should get up and do stuff to take my mind off this feeling. I feel guilty for lying here and leaving the kids downstairs to their own devices and that makes the anxiety worse. It's the school holidays here now so we don't have to rush anywhere but still, I feel like bad mum.
I found an interesting article here about morning anxiety. I know all about the blood sugar levels dropping in the morning due to lack of food and I do try to eat something as soon as I get up, but lately I've still been feeling crap until about 1pm, so is that normal? I don't know.
http://www.conqueranxiety.com/Understanding+Early+Morning+Anxiety-FD1.html
It could be the fluoxetine side effects, (they make me yawn like crazy in the mornings, it's still early days on those I suppose. Roll on the pm!
I'm going to bake cakes with the girls!!!
I've never been a morning person. Ideally I would get up around 10am (given the chance, unfortunately with kids - that's not possible). Since I've been suffering this latest episode of anxiety I have been AWFUL in the mornings, I've been waking quite early - about 7ish, but then I lie in bed feeling anxious and jittery - fast heartbeat, butterflies in tummy, all of that.
As usual, this morning our 5 yr old, Cass, woke in our bed...she is the most unrelaxing child in the morning. She kicks me in the tummy when I have a full bladder and will be really annoying until one of us gets up and takes her downstairs.
J left at 8am (he's such an annoying morning person) to do his motorbike training, so after putting the kids tv on in our bed and hoping she would lie quietly next to me, it was not to be so I gave in and got up with her.
After I made the girls breakfast and put on their favie tv programmes, I creep back up to my bed, really I know I should get up and do stuff to take my mind off this feeling. I feel guilty for lying here and leaving the kids downstairs to their own devices and that makes the anxiety worse. It's the school holidays here now so we don't have to rush anywhere but still, I feel like bad mum.
I found an interesting article here about morning anxiety. I know all about the blood sugar levels dropping in the morning due to lack of food and I do try to eat something as soon as I get up, but lately I've still been feeling crap until about 1pm, so is that normal? I don't know.
http://www.conqueranxiety.com/Understanding+Early+Morning+Anxiety-FD1.html
It could be the fluoxetine side effects, (they make me yawn like crazy in the mornings, it's still early days on those I suppose. Roll on the pm!
I'm going to bake cakes with the girls!!!
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