Not quite my normal self...

Day 20 on fluoxetine

Woke up this morning and that demon anxiety is hanging around. Feeling tired, dizzy, jittery, funny feeling in tummy. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone today and I have stuff planned :/

I'm trying to work out why...

Possibilities

Lack of sleep. J woke me up about 5.30am as he was catching the early flight to LDN this morning and I didn't go back to sleep properly.

J away in London. I have to take the kids to their gymastics later, they are holding a show for the parents for the last 15 minutes and I feel nervous about this for some reason. Also that J is not nearby - he's become my crutch lately.

Period. It's the first day of my period and feel generally like poo.

Alcohol yesterday. I had 4 glasses of wine yesterday evening at my friends house, the last one was at about 9pm but I'm wondering if I have the after effects. The meds enhance the effect of the alcohol, maybe the hangover too.

What to do.....? I just feel like sleeping it off in the security of my bed, but the girls are downstairs on their own and I feel guilty.

I'm a lazy fecker

Day 10 on Fluoxetine

Hey, guess what? I think my sense of humour is coming back.

I have absolutely no idea where my day went today, and I have a confession to make...I haven't been out at all, but not because I was scared, it was cos I simply couldn't be arsed.

My girls were at a sports day camp all day today, so most of the morning I spent surfing the net, washed ma hair, tidied up a bit. Then my dad came over and I cut his hair and sat about drinking tea with him. J and the girls came home at about 5pm and I made food and then we all cuddled up and watched tv about celebs going crazy (yay, I'm not the only one) Lovely!

On a symptoms note, my ears are ringing and my head feels dizzy when I sit still for some reason, as long as I kept moving I didn't notice it. Slight anxiety or meds side effects...who knows!

I've just had 3 small glasses of rose wine, will I pay the price for it? Watch this space!

Low

Day 6 on Fluoxetine

I can hardly type today, I feel so low.

I paid the price for having a lovely day and drinking yesterday, I had the mother of all panic attacks when I was trying to get my wilful 5 yr old to sleep last night and they went on all night until midnight, then I lay awake until 3am racked with fear.

I'm so low and exhausted, disappointed in myself. J has taken the girls out to see kungfu panda and i wish that i felt like doing nice things. As soon as they left I went back to bed and dozed for 2 hours, I had to force myself to get up and get showered but i can't even be bothered to dry my hair, i just want to get right back into bed again - i'm so tired.

Why do I feel like this? My life is good, I've got a lovely family, lots of friends, I'm physically healthy. I'm the sort of person I would feel like saying 'pull yourself together' to if I didn't feel like this.

I feel so gulity for my girls, what kind of mum am I? Lying here crying and wanting to sleep all the time.

Please will someone make this stop...