Ugh...
I've just arrived back from taking the girls to gym.
The build-up to leaving the house was effing awful, Cass was playing up big time and freaking about her hair and clothes, my stress levels were through the roof. Then we eventually got out and got in the car, Cass still whinging. I felt panic rising while I was driving a few times, I felt like turning back, but I took some Rescue Remedy and somehow kept on going.
The first carpark was full...DAMN!
So we drove on a little and found another one, a left turn into this narrow little carpark entrance with a metal thing around it. I took the turn too wide and was too close to the metal bar on the right side - the parking sensor was beeping like mad but there was a car right up my arse behind me in a queue on the main road and I couldn't reverse - I was panicking! SHIT...I kept on going with my fingers crossed......
Yes, Sods Law... I scraped the wheel arch on the metal thing.. FUCK!!
So then I was highly anxious, somehow managed to get the girls to gym on time but was in derealisation mode - like it wasn't actually my body. Got back in the car, realised I had no frikkin fuel left and in no mood to go to garage, but I had to. I had begun to calm down so went and got fuel and this went ok but I still have that wierd spaced 'not quite here' feeling.
I feel exhausted and I have to go do it all again in half an hour, luckily my mum is coming too but we have to sit in the room with other people and watch while the kids do their performance. It's only for 15 mins though so hopefully I'll be ok.
I'm so disappointed, I really thought I was feeling better. I hope this is just a temporary blip.
And what is J gonna say when I tell him I damaged the car?????
Showing posts with label Driving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Driving. Show all posts
Friday, 18 July 2008
Monday, 14 July 2008
Brrrum Bruummm
Day 15 on fluoxetine
Yessss, I did it!
Yesterday we drove out to my parents for the first time since I have been feeling like this, I have not been able to step foot in our car for a couple of weeks.
Well I did it!! You may wonder, what is the issue with sitting as a passenger in a car? The issue is sitting, not doing anything, being able to think, thinking is not good when you are in this anxious frame of mind - you start thinking of how you are feeling, are you going to panic, are you going to want to jump out of the car and run screaming up the hard shoulder???
I didn't do any of those things, yes I felt a bit nervous on the first part of the journey, the kids were fighting and J was getting annoyed at me not telling them off, I was too busy trying to keep myself together.
Anyway, I settled into it and it was quite nice, we arrived at my mum and dads safely with no incident.
Next hurdle
My parents live in the countryside, it was a beautiful day so we decided to go for a walk up the track - a steepish hill through the fields. I was fine, but after about a mile I got the visual disturbances, like little lights in my vision (I get these a lot and always have done, but when I am having anxious periods I worry about them). So I began to think that I was feeling dizzy and hot and my mind started going off on one, like, how would an ambulance get here? sort of crap - it sounds so stupid now.
I told my mum I felt a bit dizzy and in true mum style she said "well, if you faint we'll leave you here and pick you up on the way back" anyway that made me laugh and then I felt a bit better again.
We stayed at my parents house last night and then J drove us home this morning, announcing half way that we would be picking his car up from the garage and I would have to DRIVE MY CAR. I haven't driven in ages....eeeeeeeeps!
So I fended off the anx all the way to the garage at the thought of driving, we arrived there and I jumped in the drivers seat, J then realised that the garage was closed so he couldn't pick up his car.
Guess what? I drove anyway and it was totally fine!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Yessss, I did it!
Yesterday we drove out to my parents for the first time since I have been feeling like this, I have not been able to step foot in our car for a couple of weeks.
Well I did it!! You may wonder, what is the issue with sitting as a passenger in a car? The issue is sitting, not doing anything, being able to think, thinking is not good when you are in this anxious frame of mind - you start thinking of how you are feeling, are you going to panic, are you going to want to jump out of the car and run screaming up the hard shoulder???
I didn't do any of those things, yes I felt a bit nervous on the first part of the journey, the kids were fighting and J was getting annoyed at me not telling them off, I was too busy trying to keep myself together.
Anyway, I settled into it and it was quite nice, we arrived at my mum and dads safely with no incident.
Next hurdle
My parents live in the countryside, it was a beautiful day so we decided to go for a walk up the track - a steepish hill through the fields. I was fine, but after about a mile I got the visual disturbances, like little lights in my vision (I get these a lot and always have done, but when I am having anxious periods I worry about them). So I began to think that I was feeling dizzy and hot and my mind started going off on one, like, how would an ambulance get here? sort of crap - it sounds so stupid now.
I told my mum I felt a bit dizzy and in true mum style she said "well, if you faint we'll leave you here and pick you up on the way back" anyway that made me laugh and then I felt a bit better again.
We stayed at my parents house last night and then J drove us home this morning, announcing half way that we would be picking his car up from the garage and I would have to DRIVE MY CAR. I haven't driven in ages....eeeeeeeeps!
So I fended off the anx all the way to the garage at the thought of driving, we arrived there and I jumped in the drivers seat, J then realised that the garage was closed so he couldn't pick up his car.
Guess what? I drove anyway and it was totally fine!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Sunday, 13 July 2008
OMG Grrrrr..Seagulls and Snoring
Day 14 on fluoxetine
**YAWNS** Another rude awakening early this morning. This time it was every seagull in our city having a party on my roof, and whenever they stopped making a racket, J started snoring...BAAAAH!
After about an hour of feeling irritated I gave up and got up, so here I am, yawning and grumpy on the sofa.
I think I have the dreaded PMS, I was hoping these tablets would alleviate those rising irritable symptoms on the lead up to my period, it's not happening yet anyway. Lets hope for next month.
We plan to go out to my parents house this afternoon, this will be the first long car journey (45 mins) since I started with this latest bout of anx stuff. We were supposed to go last Sunday but I just wasn't up to it then.
I'm feeling less anxious about it today, so here's hoping I'll be ok in the car. J will be driving, I still haven't attempted to drive yet since all this started - that will be the next hurdle. Maybe I will drive home.
**YAWNS** Another rude awakening early this morning. This time it was every seagull in our city having a party on my roof, and whenever they stopped making a racket, J started snoring...BAAAAH!
After about an hour of feeling irritated I gave up and got up, so here I am, yawning and grumpy on the sofa.
I think I have the dreaded PMS, I was hoping these tablets would alleviate those rising irritable symptoms on the lead up to my period, it's not happening yet anyway. Lets hope for next month.
We plan to go out to my parents house this afternoon, this will be the first long car journey (45 mins) since I started with this latest bout of anx stuff. We were supposed to go last Sunday but I just wasn't up to it then.
I'm feeling less anxious about it today, so here's hoping I'll be ok in the car. J will be driving, I still haven't attempted to drive yet since all this started - that will be the next hurdle. Maybe I will drive home.
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