Day 12 on fluoxetine
I was feeling quite irritable today, J kept pressurising me about going out and it was really getting on my tits after a while - he's making an issue of it and that makes me not want to do it even more.
He was supposed to be going out for lunch with a friend and I was going to take Cass to the park on her bike. I was happy to do that, but then suddenly he announces he had cancelled lunch and that we could all go to a cafe together instead. *Chokes*
That is like the worst thing I could have imagined doing at that time!! Sitting in a hot, cramped cafe, with PEOPLE and FOOD! I am having difficulty eating as it is and I hate the feeling of being trapped in a small place...What if I feel sick or faint??? What if I want to leave and every looks at me?? What if.....?
Anyway I decided to say yes and walk there with them and then make an excuse to go to the supermarket or something while they were in there. You see I am ok if I am moving about with lots of distractions around me, but if I sit still for any length of time, I might decide that I feel dizzy or sick or something.
I was really annoyed at J all the way up the road, really pissed off that he is pressurising me to do something before I'm ready too, he's like "oh its just a cafe ffs, what is so scary about that??". He just doesn't understand and it makes me feel really lonely.
I hesitantly went into the cafe and we sat down, J kept making comments about my face looking moody, making me even more paranoid. They ordered food but I felt so sick I couldn't face it, I just wanted to get out.
I didn't have the usual palpitations type of anxiety, it was more that I felt dizzy and sick, and my ears were ringing. Anyway I sat it out and I kinda relaxed into it after a while, I even ate some of their leftovers, "oh hold on, this isn't so bad after all".
Afterwards, we walked to the park and played hide and seek, I felt almost my normal self again.
Sometimes I think tough love can work, but it doesn't feel like it at the time.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
"Sometimes I think tough love can work, but it doesn't feel like it at the time."
That's good to know. My dad is suffering from an adjustment disorder, and it can be so difficult to know what the right thing to do or say is.
I think in regards to J not really understanding, for him it is probably very difficult to understand why it is scary for you, because he isn't thinking the same way you are. Just try to be open and get it out there for him. He can't read your mind any easier than you can read his....
Post a Comment