After feeling almost good last night, woke up at 6:30am with this anxious ball of 'ewww' in my tum, headache, neckache, body ache, shivers, felt like utter crap (meds side effects or imagination??). Managed to drag myself out of bed to get the kids ready for school, but the whole time I felt like I was on the verge of death.
I am so thankful that J is not at work right now as I don't think I would have managed to do the walk to school.
As soon as they left I managed to force down a bit of dry bread and a banana and climbed back into the safety and comfort of my bed, I don't want to leave here.
Next stress: J is going to be watching cricket all day today and won't be able to do school run, wtf am I going to do?? Freaking out already. I could call 'bitchy mum' (she bitches about other mums to me, so I bet she does it about me too) to ask her to do pickup, but I don't want to tell her what is really going on with me - I don't want everyone to know.
The voice is saying ' Pull yourself together', but the even louder one is saying "I CAN'T, WHAT IF....?"
FUCKS SAKE...Grrrrr, I hate this!
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8 comments:
Hey sweety, I know the feeling. Perhaps ask your doc if you can get some short-term immediate-action anti-anxiety med like clonazepam for the omg moments. It's helped me through some shit times for sure. You can get through this. :)
No idea how appropriate and/or welcome this idea might be, but how about somehow doing the school run *with* bitchy mum? You could claim car problems or whatever? Might help you get your "game face" on in preparation for the girls if you need to act normal for BM? However you work it out, good luck, sending you good vibes
I think efe's idea is a great one, that might help you lots, and if it's not possible, going out step by step with J can help too, I'm sure.
And please, let me tell you that you aren't going crazy (I'm not crazy either and have been having meds for long).
Btw I've read you are having fluoxetine... maybe ask your doctor about paroxetine (it's the same and for the same, but I'm better with it than with fluoxetine).
And hey... YOU ROCK. You can be proud of you, now you are able to explain what's happening, so go on and step by step you will get better.
Oh, and hey... you are strong! You manage to have a RL with two girls and having a secondlife too, so you will be great soon, surely!
Hi, thanks for all your helpful advice.
2 hours till pickup..dun dun duunnnnnn!
Addy - I do have emergency diazepam in my purse, they've been there for 2 years and I've never taken them yet, I just like the thought of them being there. So yes, that is definitely an option if things get really bad.
efe - Yes good idea, I could ask 'bitchy mum' to walk up to school with me. It's only 3 minutes walk up the road, what am I so afraid of? I used to run it 2 weeks ago and now I feel like the world is caving in on me - that 3 mins feels like an eternity to me right now. :(
jocgart - Thanks for assuring me i'm not losing the plot, I need to hear that all the time right now.
I took fluoxetine last time I went thru this (2 yrs ago) and it worked great then, I seem to remember starting to feel better after a week or so, so fingers crossed it's the med for me and it will work again. I'm on day 4 now so just got to get over this icky bit.
Thanks again everyone.
*hugs* I understand that 3minutes feeling like an eternity - it would do anyway, and I know that in your head that three minutes started as soon as J said he'd be doing the cricket thing. Will think of you.
jo,
*hugs* i do hope that you get to feeling like yourself again soon.. i know it can seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there.. promise.
take care,
britta
Thankyou britta :))
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