Day 6 on Fluoxetine
I can hardly type today, I feel so low.
I paid the price for having a lovely day and drinking yesterday, I had the mother of all panic attacks when I was trying to get my wilful 5 yr old to sleep last night and they went on all night until midnight, then I lay awake until 3am racked with fear.
I'm so low and exhausted, disappointed in myself. J has taken the girls out to see kungfu panda and i wish that i felt like doing nice things. As soon as they left I went back to bed and dozed for 2 hours, I had to force myself to get up and get showered but i can't even be bothered to dry my hair, i just want to get right back into bed again - i'm so tired.
Why do I feel like this? My life is good, I've got a lovely family, lots of friends, I'm physically healthy. I'm the sort of person I would feel like saying 'pull yourself together' to if I didn't feel like this.
I feel so gulity for my girls, what kind of mum am I? Lying here crying and wanting to sleep all the time.
Please will someone make this stop...
About Me
- Jo
- United Kingdom
- Most of the time, I am a happy, sociable fun-loving mum of 2 girls with the best partner ever. Sometimes, I become this terrified, housebound, selfish person due to anxiety/panic disorder. It is a minor blip in my life and I won't let it beat me. I decided to create a diary blog for therapeutic reasons and also to help fellow sufferers/loved ones of sufferers.
6 comments:
What kind of a mum are you? A great one who knows the best thing she can do for her girls is to get herself well. And as I'm sure you tell your girls, the important thing is to try. Simply by writing here you're demonstrating that you're trying to get some understanding, control of the situation.
Hi..
You should never feel guilty for being like you are.
I have intense moments of hatred for myself because of what my son has missed out on, but then i remember that i didn't not choose to be this way, it snuck up on me and has invaded my life for 10 years.
WE DO OUR BEST for our children within our limitations. My son is so happy, so friendly, so polite, so kind, so respectful and very content...i have DONE my best as a mother, just because i didn't take him to this place or that place, doesn't make me (us) a bad parent.
Your children will love you regardless ;)
Sarah♥
Thanks efe, I just hope that if (God forbid) I go through this again, this journal will remind me I got thru it. I really wish I had done this during my last blip.
Hi Sarah,
Yes you are so right, as long as we show our kids we love them, really that is all that matters.
My mum always says we as parents today are under so much pressure to entertain our children and ferry them about all over the place, she says she never did any of that and I don't feel in any way less loved for it, in fact I am closer to my mum than most people I know. So yes, be gone guilt :D
Hi there,
I wanted to post earlier after seeing the link to this blog on SL freestyle and all, but feared anything i said would seem a little bit lame.
I've suffered from depression pretty much all my life - bipolar, same as you, so i can completely relate to how you're feeling. I did the fluxetin thing, too. You'll have good days and bad , but it does help. The good are less all over the place, the bad a little calmer once your body gets use to the pills, I hope they ease your feelings a little.
Today is a bad day, a down day as far as my mood swings go. I've just burst into tears over a spider 'looking' at me. Please please never feel guilty for the way you feel. Depression is an illness, as serious as any other, but often dismissed as others can't physically see it.
Stay strong, sweetheart
Gem (Mora on SL)
Post a Comment